Before I tell you about a wedding hotline call, I want you to know that the Bride who made what she defined as her, “fatal assumption,” asked me to share her story on this blog. She hopes people will learn from her mistake. I promise, if you ever use our hotline services, we will never discuss your situation without your permission!
I received an email from a bride, who I will call, Astrid (not her real name). She asked for a wedding hotline consultation to be arranged as soon as possible – so we spoke just 10 minutes after I received her email. Astrid began the conversation by saying, “I feel like such a fool! It’s embarrassing to even share my situation with you.” After I assured her that I had “been there, done that,” and I was clearly not in a position to judge anybody on what they do under the influence of WOD (Wedding Obsessive Disorder 
), she felt comfortable enough to tell me her story.
Astrid waited 5 years for her fiancé to pop the question so she didn’t wait a second to start planning her wedding. When she and her fiancé went over to her parent’s house to show off her ring and discuss her desire to get married as soon as possible, her father told her that he would pay for the wedding and in fact would set up a checking account for her to use. The next day Astrid and her dad went to the bank and opened up a wedding account. Knowing that her Dad had made an initial deposit of $10,000 in this account, she immediately started shopping.
In less than a week, Astrid made a deposit on a $3,000 wedding dress, signed contracts with a popular wedding venue, a photographer, and a floral designer, and had sent a check off to the most popular DJ in her city.
Thinking she had done a great job at getting all her priority wedding services set up, Astrid gave herself a pat on the back and then called her father to ask him to deposit more money in the wedding account. Here it comes…(are you feeling a knot in your stomach?)… When her dad heard her request, he said, “What?! You need more money? That is all the money I am going to give you for the wedding. That is all I can afford! I can’t give you a dime more.” Astrid’s dad was very upset because now he felt bad that he couldn’t give his daughter the wedding of her dreams, and he had no idea what these services would cost. Astrid was scared beyond measure because she had signed contracts for what totaled to be a minimum of $25,000. Her assumption that the $10,000 her father deposited in her wedding account, would be the first of several deposits, had put her in a very liable position.
Astrid and I had our work cut out for us to figure out what her next steps would be. Suffice it to say, we had many phone calls with her vendors. With some vendors, we were able to renegotiate contracts and others we chose to cancel, and one deposit was lost (unless they can re-book her wedding date, then they say they will give her 50% of her deposit back). I want to be clear that none of these vendors had to negotiate with us, most did, but we were lucky!
The lesson to learn from Astrid’s story is simple; do not assume anything when it comes to someone contributing money to your wedding budget. Astrid’s father wanted her little girl to have a dream wedding but he really thought that she could make that happen with his $10,000. Astrid assumed when her Dad said, “I will pay for your wedding” that she had carte blanche on how much she could spend. Assumptions can be deadly!
As scary as a very clear budget conversation is, it must be done. You want to be grateful for any amount of money that people are contributing to your wedding and you don’t want them to feel guilty that they cannot afford more. No one owes you money towards your wedding, but if they are helping financially, you need to know exactly what they are contributing and what they expect you to do (or be able to do) with their contribution. Astrid said, “I’m going to have the words “No assumptions” tattooed on my butt!” In our next post, we will talk about how to prepare for wedding budget talks before you start spending money.
PS: Astrid is going to have a wonderful wedding while honoring a $10,000 budget. She is marrying the “man of her dreams” and she has parents that treasure her. What could be better than that?
