You and your guests will cherish the memory of a heartfelt ceremony so much more than a vague memory (if any) of the floral centerpieces. Your beloved will remember the letter you have had hand-delivered (just before the wedding begins) that shares your heart and why you love him/her so much; they will likely not remember anything about the accessories you wear. Your parents will never forget the last words you say to them before you walk down the aisle. Make sure they are something like “I love you and thank you”

At your reception, guests will remember how joy-filled you are or not. If you are pouting over the overdone chicken and forget that you can never get this moment back… you’ve not only ruined the celebration for yourself, but for everyone around you. It is your energy, not the chicken, that will make or break your celebration.

The frills of most weddings are nice, but the character of your celebration is what can create a heart-song for you and all those lucky enough to attend your true celebration of love. So in the midst of your wedding planning, just keep on asking yourself: “Will our wedding reflect the best of our character?” If you do this, you will have a day that all will remember with a smile on their face and joy in their heart.

Read a story about one bride who truly lived this advice: My Favorite Bride and you also may enjoy Be in the Moment for some tips on how to have a wonderful wedding day.

Photography by Emin Kuliyev

Confession time. Just last month I attended a great wedding with the intention of shooting pictures that I would use for a future article. I had three cameras – a professional quality camera, a cheap digital and of course my trusty phone camera. The only thing that was missing in my picture arsenal was a skilled photographer!

All I can say is thank goodness the Bride and Groom were not relying on me to capture their priceless memories. My photos were definitely not worthy of this beautiful wedding. The professional photographer’s pictures on the other hand, were fabulous. Hallelujah!!!

Because of well intentioned, but lousy novice photographers like myself, I encourage all brides and grooms to bite the bullet and pay for a professional wedding photographer to document their celebrations.  I mean really, how many times can you get those that you love all dressed up and looking their best? And wedding pictures are about the only pictures that years later people will still ask to take a peek at. Just yesterday I was looking at my own parent’s pictures and they have been married for 57 years!

Here are a few tips to consider when hiring a photographer:

Photography by Emin Kuliyev

1) See and like their work. Be sure it’s their own work especially if you’re interviewing a photographer at a studio that has multiple photographers.

2) Ask for references! Call a few of their past clients and a few event sites that have experienced them at work.  I have always said that although someone may be a good studio photographer, event photography requires a completely different animal.  Ask reference questions like: Does their temperament at work add to the stress of your day or does their good humor actually add to the joy of the celebration?  Do they play well with others – meaning your caterer, entertainment and master of ceremony?  If you could improve anything about their work style what would it be?  Were there any added expenses not clear to you before you signed a contract?  Did they respond to your calls and questions efficiently? How long did it take to get your proofs? Were your pictures of the same quality as their sales portfolio? Did they take all the pictures you had discussed in advance? Were you disappointed in anything they did or didn’t do at the wedding?

3) Be sure you like them. There is nothing more obvious in a picture than when a person is uncomfortable getting photographed or uncomfortable with their photographer. If this is an extra special event like a wedding or a milestone anniversary, you may want to have a run through with your photographer.  This may be an engagement shoot or a family or individual portrait.  This gives the photographer a chance to see your comfort level with a camera and to notice things like when you blink your eyes or that nervous twitch of yours.  It also lets them see your good side and your bad side — photographically and personality speaking.  And you get the opportunity to see your photographer’s work — before it’s too late!

4) Read every word of your contract before you sign on the dotted line. Don’t assume that everything your photographer is saying is what will happen. Make certain everything is in writing.

5) Give your photographer a list of pictures you want to be certain they capture. And assign a family member or friend that can help the photographer find those that you want to take pictures with.

6) Let your family, friends and wedding party know when and where they need to be for the formal pictures shoot. This will help the photographer get these pictures done quickly so you can enjoy your day without any unnecessary delay.

I am staring at a picture of my late husband on our wedding day. Believe me when I say that pictures can be priceless treasures that can literally last beyond a lifetime for future generations to enjoy. So be sure you hire a quality photographer (and not me!) to do the job right.

Who sits where?

TopTablePlanner.com

Now for the scary part (if you are not already hyperventilating)… seat assignments!

Seat assignments can be a logistical and a psychological nightmare. Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom haven’t spoken to each other in 20 years and you are on your third stepfather and have invited them all to your wedding. Who you sit where can make or break a party.

Issues to keep in mind

1) Think of each dining table as a party within your party. Who is going to be an “Ambassador of Fun” at each table, who can make anybody feel special and who do you think will enjoy each other’s company? Who would be repulsed to sit by one of your other guests (do keep them as far away from each other as possible)?

2) Physical restrictions: Who has a cast on their leg or is wheelchair bound? Who needs to be placed where there is plenty of room because he is the size of a sumo wrestler? Absolutely think of the challenges that each of your guests may have and factor those in when assigning their seat. A table generally for 10 may have to be a table for 7 to accommodate some special needs. Be sure your event or site coordinator is alerted to those special needs.

3) Ego Placements – Are your Fiance’s divorced parents’ tables equally prominent? Will that matter to them? You don’t want a pouting new mama- in- law on your hands at your wedding. Whose ego needs to be assigned a special table?

4) Good vibrations – make sure that you do not have your 96-year-old grandfather next to the DJ’s speakers. Most elderly guests’ ears may be sensitive to noise and won’t be able to hear anybody talk at their table if they are too close to the music.

5) Kid Friendly – Don’t put your cousin and her 3 children at the same table as someone who hates children. Do you want a kids’ table and then put their parents’ tables next to the kids’ table – sort of the “family friendly zone at your reception?”

So how do you make a physical plan of your table arrangements and seat assignments without needing tranquilizers? Do you need to get graph paper, crayons, or an architect involved???

There’s help!!!!! Several brilliant people have developed programs to help you with your seating arrangements. One web-based planner, Toptableplanner.com is worth taking a peek at. Their planner can help you make a layout and assign people to different tables. As importantly, it allows you to move people (and remove people) by just a drag and a drop. You can keep track of your RSVPs and guests’ meal choices and print your revised table plans, place cards and escort cards anywhere you have internet access (and of course a printer). It is a nice and easy planning tool and I believe can relieve so much of the anxiety you are feeling right now. It’s a $20 investment towards your sanity. There are other internet and software planning tools worthy of your evaluation (we’ll be looking at a few more in future posts), so do your homework and choose the best program for your needs.

Before you firm everything up though – be sure you are showing your plan to all the wedding vendors you are using. You want to be certain your layout fits into the room with all the decor and activities you have planned for your reception.

I could go on forever on this subject (I guess I actually have!) but for now – go jot down all the issues that you know you will need to take into consideration to make your room design and seating arrangements work for your celebration. And don’t forget to ask for help – there are a lot of professionals that can help you with these tasks – event coordinators, event designers, caterers, and party rental consultants are all people who work on room design and seating arrangement issues everyday.

Happy planning!

Emin Photography

Forgive me readers but this is long. Real long! I have separated this article in two posts. This is part one. Make sure to read both posts to get the full story. Here we goooooo…….

Although I happen to get one big buzz from planning special events, my least favorite part of party planning is deciding how the tables are laid out and who sits where. If you do not have an architect’s, interior decorator’s, sociologist’s, psychologist’s, caterer’s, entertainer’s and party planner’s mind all captured in your very own head, here is a little help for you:

Room layout/ Floorplan:

Hopefully you’ll have some professional guidance here.

* If you are having your celebration at a popular wedding location, their events coordinator will likely have very practical wisdom to share with you. Definitely ask if they have samples of different room layouts for you to take home and mull over. Ask the event coordinator which layout they think will work best with not only the amount of people you are having but the type of entertainment, activities, and decorations you have planned. If you are having a 16 piece orchestra they will need more room than a solo DJ. If you decide to bring in 22 lighted Christmas trees for your Winter Wonderland themed event, this is going to take more room than the two Ficus trees already there.

* Head table or no head table – Choosing if you want a Sweetheart table just for the two of you or if you want your entire wedding party sitting with you, is a huge issue to decide before you lay out the design of your room. If you hate people watching you eat or just not comfortable with being in the spotlight all night long, you just may choose to eliminate a head table all together. If that is your choice, make sure your table has “Hugs room” – so that people can comfortably come and extend their best wishes.

* Room design and table arrangements need to be a collaborative process with all professionals that will need some space during your wedding. Someone needs to call the DJ, orchestra, caterer, etc. and ask how much room their set-up takes and do they have any other special requirements for their installation. I remember one wedding I attended that the bride laid out her own space and put the DJ and the food buffet in a space where there was no electricity. This was not a good beginning of this poor bride’s wedding day!

* Make a list. Start writing down all the things you think you will need space for at your event. Do you want a dance floor, cake table, gift table, and hostess/guestbook/place-card table? List, list, list and share, share, share with everyone involved. My cousin forgot to place a cake table at her wedding, but then again she had forgotten to order the cake until two days before.

* How many guest tables you will need will be determined by so many factors. How many people do you want at each table? Does your location require a certain amount of guests at each table (some do for space and staff budgeting)? I like people to have lots of elbowroom so I like to see how the actual set-up will look like before I make my mind up. Take a look at how close the tables are placed near each other – is there room for people to get out of their chair without hitting the person sitting at the table in back of them? Ask your event site if you can come take a peek when they have set up for someone else’s event that would likely be similar to yours.

Stay tuned for part two – Who Sits Where?

Walk into most any department in Wal-Mart and you can find something that may be useful for a bride and groom and generally speaking, you aren’t going to find it cheaper anywhere else. In their jewelry department you will find a few inexpensive engagement rings and wedding bands and a generous selection of accessories and gifts for an entire bridal party. Cubic Zirconia tennis bracelets, simple anklets, heart shaped and “Journey” necklaces with earrings to match, will accessorize bridesmaids well without emptying anyone’s piggy bank.

In the party section you will find several rows of typical wedding supplies for much lower prices than most specialty stores. A good assortment of Favor boxes at 50 for $12 can easily be filled with a sweet treat found in their candy department. Want the kiddies-at-heart to have bubbles? 100 Ring Bubble Wand Favors are only $15. For the computer savvy they have invitation kits at unbelievable prices and for the home bakers they have most anything you would need to make your own wedding cake or cupcake tower.

If you venture into departments not often thought of as wedding related, you will locate some great “finds” for a celebration. Do some price comparison and you may find that it is actually cheaper to buy whole sets of dinnerware than to rent them from a typical party rental company. On a recent visit to a Wal-Mart store, I found glass dinner plates for $1.50 each. The nice thing about purchasing instead of renting is you will have a large collection for all your future celebrations.

Decorating weddings with $5 vases, filling them with homegrown flowers and surrounding the vases with $1 votive candles can make for simple and inexpensive centerpieces. Purchasing a gazebo or an arbor in their garden department will allow you to reuse it in your own backyard after it has been the centerpiece of your ceremony. You can also get multi-use out of other special décor like lanterns, firepits or outdoor furniture that help create a very chic and contemporary styled wedding.

Right now, when the Christmas department is just being set up, it’s a great time to look at white lights to swag on your head and cake tables (underneath tulle or iridescent material). Or purchase Christmas ornaments and pile them in a crystal bowl for an easy centerpiece anytime of the year.

Don’t forget the personal health and hygiene departments to make “Wedding Day Emergency Kits.” Band-Aids, Tums, Aspirins, mouthwash, hairspray, deodorant, nail repair kits, Kleenex and smelling salts are just a few of the items key to a good emergency kit. Add energy bars, nuts and bottled water from the grocery section and stain removers from the laundry supplies and your kit will begin to look like a pro made it.

If your schedule is crazy and feet are sore, do some of your shopping on-line at www.walmart.com. By creatively thinking outside the box – you can come up with a Wal-Mart Wedding that won’t break the bank but can still be a very special celebration with all the trimmings!

When you say “I do,” you will want the people that care about you the most to be standing near you at the altar. If your bridesmaids are not all size sixes, be very conscious about what Bridesmaids dresses you choose. The comfort of your bridesmaids will have a direct correlation to how much fun they have at your wedding and how much fun you have with them! So don’t make your friends fit the dress, find dresses that fit each of your bridesmaids.

I think my favorite bridesmaids’ outfits have been weddings where the bridesmaids have not had the same dress on. They have worn dresses that were made with the same material and/or maybe the same color but the outfits were uniquely their own.

A friend of mine told her friends to wear what they felt the most beautiful in and those girls just shined! I coordinated another wedding where the bride asked her bridesmaids to wear ivory (she wore white). One bridesmaid wore an amazing pant suit, one wore a great strapless gown and another wore a similar gown but added this antique lace jacket over it that I wanted to steal! One bridesmaid was a size 0, one a size 8 and another a size 24. I loved watching the plus size bridesmaid because she looked fabulous and she knew it. She wore what she felt beautiful in and wasn’t asked to show her upper arms or fit her generous breasts in a strapless gown. And the size 0 who had zero cleavage, didn’t have to wear a dress that required a padded bra to look good in it.

Here are a few other hints:

Find a material that you love and have the dresses made to fit each bridesmaid well.

Talk to a Bridal Salon Consultant about the sizes of your friends and get their suggestions about which designers cater to your bridesmaids’ sizes and shapes. Before you take your bridesmaids out shopping, go by yourself and have a personal consultation at a Bridal Salon so you gather information and begin developing your own ideas on what you want to present to your bridesmaids as options.

Search the Internet – need I say more? Do keyword searches like plus size bridesmaid dresses, petite bridesmaids, maternity bridesmaid dresses, etc.

You might want to take your plus size friends out alone for their first shopping spree and measurement taking. I worked in a bridal salon for a while and I saw how uncomfortable it was for some girls to be measured in front of the other girls – be conscious of your friends’ modesty issues.

You can usually buy extra material from most bridesmaids’ dress designers and then can hire a seamstress to make a jacket or a wrap. I personally don’t like the wrap thing because it’s pretty impossible to keep them on all night but a Bolero jacket can be a great complement to many styles. You might want to consider a jacket or a shrug for everyone to use during the ceremony and then at the reception, those that like to show off their triceps can simply take off the jacket and others can keep it on – their choice for their comfort.

Whatever you choose, remember that being surrounded by those you love is more important than any bridesmaid’s dress you’ve seen in a magazine. So choose loveable Bridesmaids and outfits to fit each one of them beautifully.

Image by: Emin Kuliyev, Emin Photography www.em34.com

As a Wedding Coordinator, probably the most common question I am asked is: “Will you tell me about the greatest wedding you’ve ever seen?” I think most people are expecting me to talk about the couture designed gowns and Waterford crystal favors – the limitless budget weddings. But the greatest wedding I’ve ever had the honor of experiencing, was Suzie and Bob’s wedding.

On Suzie and Bob’s wedding day, it rained and rained. In fact it was one of the worse floods in the history of their hometown. Suzie and Bob knew most of their 130 guests couldn’t get to the church (only 30 made it) and the caterer, photographer and DJ had all called saying it would take a miracle for them to get to their wedding site (none were able to). But Suzie and Bob decided to go ahead with their evening wedding.

The thirty guests, minister and groom waited for two hours before Suzie’s Limo arrived. Knowing where Suzie came from, I still believe her Chauffeur had to be Noah to get her there. When Suzie hurriedly got out of the car, a bicyclist rode by and sprayed a muddy mist all over her wedding dress. Personally I am amazed my heart stayed in my chest when I saw this happen. I couldn’t imagine how Suzie could still be standing. As Suzie walked toward me I thought to myself, how am I ever going to get this mud off and not ruin this dress? Out loud I said, “Suzie, let’s go into the bathroom and you can dry your hair and touch up your make-up while I clean up your dress.” Suzie took my hands and smiled, “I’ve waited three years to marry this man, I’m not waiting a minute longer.”

Suzie proceeded to the double door entrance of the sanctuary and yelled “Dad, come and get me!” Everyone clapped when they heard Suzie’s voice. Her Dad came quickly down the aisle as the bridesmaids, groomsmen, minister and groom went and stood on the altar. With no music, nor wedding party processional, Suzie, escorted by her dad, walked up the aisle, muddied dress and all. When she got to the very first aisle that had any guests in it, Suzie looked around at all her guests and said “you made it, I can’t believe you all made it, thank you so much!” Tears started to roll, but then we all “lost it” when Suzie got the first glimpse of her soon-to-be husband. She looked at Bob and then turned to her guests and said “I am the luckiest woman in the whole wide world!”

Suzie is the most amazing bride I’ve ever had the honor to meet and experience. She got it. She knew it wasn’t about the dress, the photographer, the DJ, and yes, not even about the fabulous wedding coordinator. Suzie knew that a wedding is about having the people you love surround you when you get to marry the person you will be honored to call your husband or wife. Bring this wisdom to your wedding day, and you will create a moment that you and your guests will never forget.

I wish you all true celebrations of love

P.S. Many years later, Suzie and Bob have three kids. When they talk about their wedding, they say it was the most beautiful day in their lives.

Do you have a story about a Bride who filled the room with joy? Please share!

There are ways to incorporate dark or bright colors in your cake design without actually having it go into someone’s mouth. You can safely add color by:

* Placing deep colored icing flowers on the plastic plates that are in between separated cake tiers. The color is still in the cake design, just not on your guests’ tongues!

* Using colorful fresh flowers as your cake topper, as “corsages” cascading down the cake tiers, as decoration in between tiers, and as a beautiful design surrounding the base of your cake.

( side-note: If the flowers touch icing that will be served, be sure the flowers are non-toxic, and preferably organically grown. Even though most flowers are taken off of a cake before it is cut, you don’t want toxic residue lingering. I have decorated cakes with edible flowers, where we made sure everyone had a pansy and marigold on their plate. The guests had fun daring each other to eat their flowers.)

* Having one or a few fake cake tiers (Styrofoam – iced and decorated as part of your cake) decorated with the bright colors that you don’t want to eat. The edible tiers can have the tamer icing colors on them.

* Using a band of material ribbon at the base of each tier. Be careful though – some ribbons actually bleed, or the icing can create grease spots on lighter weight ribbon. Do an icing/ribbon test to be sure your wedding cake won’t look more like a mud pie. Quality ribbon is a very easy way to add your bright or dark wedding colors to your cake without making your’s and your guests’ mouths look like circus clowns!

EBs – Do any of you have pictures or stories about black tongues and purple lips from your wedding cake icing? We’d love to see them!

When it came time for toasts, the Best Man (a wonderful wonderful person!) honored my husband, maybe even a little more than he honored the Bride and Groom. Honestly, it was too too much, and left many of us in tears; not happy tears, sad tears. I personally had to leave the reception to dry my tears and to try to shift back to a joyous disposition. It was such a sweet gesture by the best man, but truly not appropriate for a wedding day celebration.

This may sound harsh, but your wedding is not your loved one’s memorial service. This is a joyous occasion. You deserve to be happy and my gut tells me that your loved ones would not want you to shed one tear about them on your wedding day. Life is filled with much sadness so protect the good moments when you can.

So how do you respectfully acknowledge a love one without losing the joy of a moment?

1) Place their name in a special note in your wedding program (Here in our hearts we honor: …) If it is a sibling, parent or grandparent, list their names and you can add a dove, butterfly, or a cross after their name. Maybe even a little note that says: “we love that we know you are here in spirit Grandpa” (or sister or Mom, etc).

2) Place a picture of you and your loved one doing something wonderfully fun with big old smiles on your faces on a picture table that is filled with pictures of you with all those that have significance in your and your better half’s life.

3) If you are having a video montage shown at your reception – keep the pictures light and festive of those that have passed. And remember – this video is to be more about you than others. Don’t make it a memorial to your dearly departed, but don’t erase them from your memories. Make the pictures ones that will make you laugh or smile, not cry.

4) If your loved one had a particular bible verse, poem or song that you love as well, have it in your ceremony. And mention it in your wedding program but it does not have to be mentioned before the song or before the verse if that would make you or others sad.

5) Is there a piece of jewelry that you can wear that will make you feel closer to your Grandma that has passed? Is there material from her wedding dress that you can have made into a handkerchief? Can the groom wear his grandpa’s cuff links? Do you want to wear a locket with your late Mom’s picture in it?

Discuss your feelings with family and those that will be giving toasts or welcome speeches or officiating at your wedding. Let your family know how much or how little (or not at all – this is your decision) you want that special person mentioned on your wedding day. Tell them that you love those that are no longer here and think about them often, but you want to be sure that everyone can have a joy-filled, life affirming day. You set the boundaries; it is your day.

The day after my son’s wedding, I took flowers from the wedding and set them on the memorial bench donated to a park in honor of my husband’s life. I sat there for awhile, cried a little, and was very happy to know that our very special newlyweds were on their way to their Honeymoon and New Life together. That made me smile.

Joy is what your loved ones will want for you. Celebrate!

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EBs who have advice on honoring love ones without inducing tears of sorrow – please share!

Image by Emin Kuliyev, Emin Photography - www.em34.com

This is one time that it’s usually not hard to get the groom interested in the planning process. Most couples say planning their Honeymoon is one of the more enjoyable parts of their wedding planning and reminds them about Romance — something that is amazingly easy to forget when you are trying to figure out how you are going to handle the “Step-Mother from Hell” and the three Vegans attending your prime rib reception.

I am clearly not a travel expert but I do have a few thoughts about Honeymoons and honeymoon planning.

1) Do take one. For the rest of your life people will ask you where you went for your Honeymoon. It’s nice to have a great answer for this question. Now if the budget or time constraints don’t allow for a 6 week European Tour, spend one night at the most decadent hotel in your city, or ask a close friend with a nice home to “switch” with you for the weekend.

When Cindi and Bill got married, money was very VERY tight. So Cindi’s best friend, Nancy, gave them her beautiful home for their Honeymoon Weekend. Nancy filled her house with candles and a rose petal path leading to a sunken tub (that overlooked the Pacific Ocean) with a picnic basket filled with “romance food” and a fabulous bottle of Champagne. Nancy then spent the weekend at Cindi and Bill’s apartment and took care of their cat while Cindi and Bill had a relaxing and stress-free Honeymoon that eleven years later –still makes them smile.

2) Do your Homework. This could likely be the most expensive and memorable vacation you’ll ever take, so use all the resources that are available to you to plan this wonderful holiday. Search the internet, talk to many travel agents who specialize in the area that you are interested in, and ask your friends, relatives and business associates for their travel experiences. Don’t EVER EVER EVER rely on one resource, you’ll miss grand opportunities of information that way. And do learn “the rules” of traveling at your chosen destination. Do you need a passport?, a marriage certificate to verify your new name?, vaccinations?, do you know enough language to say “help!” in the country you will be honeymooning in? Do you know the currency exchange?, etc., etc. Please, oh please, do your homework!

3) Don’t travel far on the same day as your wedding. Way too many brides and grooms think it’s romantic being on an airplane on their wedding night. Believe me when I say, it’s not! A nice comfortable bed after one of the most intense days of your life will win over that “Mile High” fantasy EVERY TIME!!! My husband told me that my head didn’t hit my pillow before I started snoring on our wedding night. So let your fantasies stay in your dreams and get a good night sleep. There’s always the next morning to make dreams come true.

You may want to stay in town for the first few days of wedded bliss. Often you have out of town guests that have traveled thousands of miles to celebrate your marriage. If you whisk away to Jamaica on your wedding night, you lose the opportunity to visit with these treasured friends. My very favorite part of my son’s wedding celebration was the day after when Russell and Alix and all their close friends and relatives had brunch together. Most of us only got to have a few minutes with the newly married couple on their wedding day. The brunch gave Russell and Alix time with those that made the biggest effort to share in their celebration. We also got to “re-hash” every last detail of the wedding, which was for me almost as fun as the wedding itself! Actually, we all had so much fun at the day-after events, that it lasted for two more days. How often do you get everyone you love together in one place? Take advantage of this and soak in all this love and support. Honeymoons are just as much fun 2 days or 2 weeks after your wedding day.

4) Give your mate Honeymoon surprises. Present your new mate with: love notes packed in their suitcase or left on their pillow along with a rose or a chocolate kiss; Honeymoon “Coupons” offering breakfast in bed, a massage, or other creative “services” that only you know how much they’ll love; and a letter that tells them in your own words what your marriage hopes and dreams are.

Continue with #4 throughout your marriage and your Honeymoon just may last a lifetime.

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EBs: Now it’s your turn to share your Heavenly Honeymoon Memories or your Honeymoon Horror Stories. Your experience and advice could be very valuable to future newlyweds!